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Holy Sheik
  |  First Published: November 2015



Christmas has appeared on the horizon, and I'm not happy Jan! Bad enough that junk starts appearing in your mailbox, and Fatso with the red clown suit starts ‘ho ho ho-ing’ everywhere. The worst part is that every weekend between now and December's end gets taken up with bloody parties!

Of course if you're brave enough to make any sort of suggestion that Santa should pack his sack on his back, take a different tack and rack off, you're immediately shut down as a grumble-bum or a scrooge. Which is ridiculous. Firstly, what the hell does an elderly duck in a top hat have to do with Christmas?

Christmas ties up your weekends. Instead of spending the week at work avoiding the aforementioned work and planning the next trip to your FFS (favourite fishing spot), you're forced to spend it planning how to spend $5 buying a gift for people at work that you don't even like that much. A pressie that will last a shorter time than the paper you're forced to wrap it in, which sometimes isn't easy. Speaking of which, why do I have to spend more on bloody paper and a card with a crappy poem than on the present itself? I’d rather wrap it in newspaper! The world’s crazy.

So that FFS gets put on the backburner. Instead of long sessions planning tide changes, cast netting opportunities, crabbing sites, gear upkeep, fuel consumption and the benefits of albright v FG v improved albright V slim beauty and other issues of international importance, you're forced to spend your time working out how best to spend your hard earned so it looks like you spent more on them than they spent on you. Unfair!

And if you even dare to mention that the bloke that started the whole thing was a chippy who spent his weekends on a tinny in the Sea of Galilee – with his mates who fished for a living– you're hounded out of a Christmas morning service. At least I was!

He would have had it easy packing his gear - not having to tow a boat (when you can walk on water), or having to pack an esky (water into wine), not worry about including safety gear (can calm a raging storm), and never having to pop into IGA for tucker (the ol’ loaves and fishes trick). Actually, now I think about it, all He would have needed to do was catch one jack or barra, then multiply it (aforementioned loaves and fishes). Sort of takes the fun out of pinning down your FFS doesn’t it?

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